A few weeks ago (months? I dunno), I received an email from my Alma Mater. They had apparently tried to send me their quarterly Alumni magazine and had it shipped back to them. I move more often than the Middle East revolts, so I’m surprised it took them this long to lose track of me. I’d been trying to shake them for years, but was too lazy to tell them so. So when I received an email back from them, asking me to kindly update my mailing info, so that I could hear of all the goings on happening on my old stomping grounds, I finally took advantage of my opportunity to tell them what I’d thought of my time there, what I thought of them, and that I didn’t really want to keep up the pretense of a relationship.
This was the email I sent back to them. Ahem:
Dear nameless university Alumni Department,
On the day that I graduated in 2005, the speaker at the ceremony went on a long tirade about how important it is for alumni to give back to the school and how we should all seriously consider giving money once we were gone. It went on for quite some time as we all sat there in disbelief, and as our student loans kept gathering interest quietly in the background. This was BEFORE any of us received our degrees. I cannot recall the name of the speaker, however, right then and there I was done with the nameless university.For a school with such a fine name attached to it, what a crass and classless thing to do. Appealing to young graduates for money they do not have as they are sitting and waiting with their friends and family to receive what they have tirelessly worked for over the course of four or five years is disgusting. At the very least, the charity plea could have waited until we got our degrees. That day should be about the graduates, not about the ego of the University and it’s desperation to receive funding.I will not be updating my information with the nameless university. I do not wish to receive any further communication from the nameless university. That atrocious farewell along with the mediocre education I received from a University that is coasting only on Maclean’s recommendations and not any actual merit of its own was the end for me.I also really appreciated the ceaseless phone calls I got the summer after I graduated, whereby some perky undergrad pestered me for money as I pounded the pavement to try and find a job that my degree had left me woefully unprepared for. I did wind up finding one. At the Sunglass Hut.Kindest Regards,My name